I Just Want to Sell Out my Funeral

 The Wonder Years

“I Just Want To Sell Out My Funeral”

Clear the apartment.
I plan on collapsing and I could have sworn I heard a car door slam.
I’m stuck at the corner of grinding teeth and stomach acid,
All alone under a soft rain and streetlamp.
I spent my life weighed down by a stone heart,
Drowning in irony and settling for anything.
Somewhere down the line all the wiring went faulty.
I’m scared shitless of failure and I’m staring out at where I wanna be.I just want to sell out my funeral.
I just want to be enough for everyone.
I just want to sell out my funeral.
Know that I fought until the lights were gone.I’m walking through harbors and churchyards.
I felt the snow crack under my feet.
I’ll stay thankful for mild winters, for every shot I got at anything.
I’ll blame the way that I was brought up or the flaws that I was born with
Or the mistakes that I’ve made; they’re all just fucking excuses.
So bury me in the memories of my friends and family.
I just need to know that they were proud of me.I just want to sell out my funeral.
I just want to be enough for everyone.
I just want to sell out my funeral.
Know that I fought until the lights were gone.

Oh, we all wanna know.
Where’d the American dream go?
Did you give up and go home?
Am I here alone?
Oh, when the credits roll,
I’ll watch as the screen glows;
The moments when I choked, all the fears that I’ve outgrown.
At least I hope so.

I was just happy to be a contender.
I was just aching for anything.
And I used to have such steady hands
But now I can’t keep ’em from shaking.

Oh I’m sorry I…
I’m sorry I don’t laugh at the right times.
Is this what it feels like with my wings clipped?
I’m awkward and nervous.
I’m awkward and nervous.
I’m awkward and nervous.
I’m awkward and nervous.

But I was kind of hoping you’d stay.
I was kind of hoping you’d stay.
I was kind of hoping you’d stay.
I need you to stay.
Oh, god, could you stay?
I need you to stay.
I need you to stay.
I need you.

If I’m in an airport and you’re in a hospital bed,
Well then, what kind of man does that make me?
If I’m in an airport and you’re in a hospital bed,
Well then, what kind of man does that make me?
If I’m in an airport, if I’m in an airport
What kind of man does that make me?
What kind of man does that make me?
What kind of man does that make me?

I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me.
(I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me)
All we had were hand me-downs.
(I know how it feels to be at war with a world that never loved me)
All we had was good will.

Two blackbirds on a highway sign
Are laughing at me here with my wings clipped.
I’m staring up at the sky
But the bombs keep fucking falling.
There’s no devil on my shoulder;
He’s got a rocking chair on my front porch
But I won’t let him in.
No, I won’t let him in.

‘Cause I’m sick of seeing ghosts
And I know how it’s all gonna end.
There’s no triumph waiting.
There’s no sunset to ride off in.
We all want to be great men
And there’s nothing romantic about it.
I just want to know that I did all I could with what I was given.

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About Imkjac

I love my work. I also love the following things: God, my boys, my family, dogs, cats, writing, photography, reading (a bit of a lit geek actually), cooking, being outdoors, hiking, fishing, film, music, Spotify, beards, tattoos, board games, TV (also a TV geek), Netflix, pajamas, antiquing, interior decorating (DIY), blankets, polar bears, art, food. I dislike these things: elevators, heights, unclear water, bridges. Thanks for reading my blog and hoping it brings some comfort and joy to others.
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