could ya pull the knife out please

Some days are better than others. Today was not a good one. It took everything within me to climb out of the bed this morning. Not only did I have an asthma attack at about 4a.m. that kept me up for an hour, but as I laid in the bed — listening to the annoying alarm clock — the only way I can describe the pain is it felt like someone had taken a knife to my forearms, my wrists and my knees and left it in there, and came back every few minutes to make sure and twist it.

There’s a saying within the Lupus and MCTD community that says :

“Unless you get it, you DON’T get it.”

I’m beginning to understand. There is basically just no way to describe the pain and lethargy — and unless you live a day in my shoes — there is no way to understand.

I almost feel guilty venting. But that’s what this blog is for. So – here goes … maybe if I can write it and other people who suffer with the same ailments can gain something (even if its just the comfort of knowing they are not alone) — I won’t bombard my family with complaints.

I know they get so tired of hearing how sore and tired I am all the time, but I also know that if they felt the way I do — they probably wouldn’t do half the stuff that I do.

I was so tired this morning that when my alarm clock went off I kept hitting snooze until I finally just turned it off all together. Grant it, I had some comp time at work — but my youngest son needed to get to school (we commute about an hour every morning). I finally dragged myself out of bed, but the pain was so bad I felt nauseated and had to lie back down for about 30 minutes.

Every joint in my body hurt and my muscles in my forearms felt like there was something literally eating them away. (There probably is and it’s called an over-reacted immune system.) You see, in Mixed Connective Tissue Disease the immune system literally attacks the healthy tissues that hold the body together. This includes muscle tissue.

I have been complaining for years now that it felt like something was eating my muscle away. It’s the strangest feeling, very painful too — but that was the only way I could describe it. Now I know that’s exactly what I’m feeling. The MCTD monster, which I imagine looks a lot like the Weight Watchers Hungry Monster … 

only green.

Anyways – even as I’m typing this, there are pains shooting up my arms and into my chest. My wrists feel broken and my fingers tight and stiff. Not fun.

Guess I’ll be starting the Mediterranean diet here soon — being that it’s almost summer. Anything to help battle this pain.

I have pretty much stopped taking ibuprofen and other over-the-counter drugs because I want to salvage my stomach and liver. Anyone else out there with severe joint/tissue pain have a solution? If so, please share!!!

Also – if anyone with Lupus or MCTD or Celiacs or Rheumatism has found success with the Mediterranean diet, please comment and share. I would like to know if it’s healthy for someone who also is severely allergic to wheat.

For now – I have decided to quit drinking alcohol (not that I drink that often) – after I had a flare about a week ago. I also will try to muster the energy to start walking at least three days a week. Hoping that the diet and exercise combined with the elimination of alcohol will not only make me feel better — but help me to lose the extra 15 pounds that the steroids has brought on.

I also think I will take up a weekend Yoga class and some daily meditation.

Tonight though – I’m gonna take a hot shower, eat some gluten free mac n’cheese for dinner and go to bed after catching up on my Big Bang Theory episodes on DVR.

Because no matter how sick I feel — Sheldon Cooper can cheer me up!

Until next time friends ~

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About Imkjac

I love my work. I also love the following things: God, my boys, my family, dogs, cats, writing, photography, reading (a bit of a lit geek actually), cooking, being outdoors, hiking, fishing, film, music, Spotify, beards, tattoos, board games, TV (also a TV geek), Netflix, pajamas, antiquing, interior decorating (DIY), blankets, polar bears, art, food. I dislike these things: elevators, heights, unclear water, bridges. Thanks for reading my blog and hoping it brings some comfort and joy to others.
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One Response to could ya pull the knife out please

  1. Tammy says:

    Allie, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I was diagnosed with MCTD at 18. In my mid 30’s, I was at my worst, my muscles hurt constantly. My hands suffered the most and would be numb from pain, too, after typing. I dreaded shaking hands with someone. I think the Mediterranean Diet will be good for you. Also, I would suggest cutting out all your dairy, if you still consume it. You can take a calcium supplement instead. Yoga will benefit you, maybe even a water recovery class. Funny you mentioned the hot shower, I remember how therapeutic it was for me. Sorry I’m long on this, but please know I’m here for you. Hang in there and God bless.

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