Can I stop my hands from getting deformed?

A new very large knot has appeared on my left hand to the left of the small tumor. It’s probably triple the size.

I’m at a loss here. I really don’t want my hands to look like my grandmother’s did.

I take all my meds. I do all the hand exercises. I do everything the doctor tells me to and I’m over here freaking out because despite it, I feel like I’m still suffering permanent damage.

I’ve been dropping things a lot more lately. I picked up a candle at the store yesterday and it slipped right out of my hand and on to the floor. Broke into a thousand pieces. So embarrassing.

I dropped something else the other day at the grocery store that was glass. Does this get worse?

It’s gotten to the point I have a difficult time doing simple things. Opening a coffee mug or the lid of my gas tank.

And the pain. I try not to complain, but it’s getting worse. It’s excruciating at times. Lately it’s this strange burning sensation. Also, pins and needles. And then there’s the skin crawling, shooting pain up my arm and that’s just my left side. My shoulders aren’t much better.

Maybe the CT scan/MRI will tell more and ease my mind. 

I’m just venting. The stress of my health, trying to raise these boys alone and trying to finish school while working full time …

I guess I just sometimes get completely overwhelmed. I can’t tell you how worried I get. I don’t want my hands deformed. I don’t want my future grandbabies afraid of me because of them.

My hands are my livelihood. I’m a writer.

Tomorrow’s a new day. I’m certain of that.

Can anyone else with either RA or Psoriatic Arthritis or Mixed Connective Tissue Disease tell me what I can do to save my hands?

Until next time friends.

~allie

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About Autoimmune allie

I love my work. I also love the following things: God, my boys, my family, dogs, writing, photography, reading (a bit of a lit geek actually), cooking, being outdoors, hiking, fishing, film, music, Spotify, beards, tattoos, board games, TV (also a TV geek), Netflix, pajamas, blankets, polar bears, art, food. I dislike these things: elevators, heights, unclear water, bridges. I also have multiple autoimmune diseases that cause all sorts of issues for me in my daily life. That's what this blog is about. Living the day-to-day with more than six (combined) autoimmune disorders. I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Fibromyalgia, Celiac Disease, Palindromic rheumatism and Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder (MCTD is an overlap of three autoimmune diseases including lupus, scleroderma and polymyositis). I have also been diagnosed with autoimmune vasculitis and adult onset asthma. Due to my physical ailments I sometimes struggle with generalized anxiety, PTSD, depression and panic disorder. I guess that's about it. Thanks for reading my blog and hoping it brings some comfort and joy to others who suffer from autoimmune disorders!! God Bless!
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2 Responses to Can I stop my hands from getting deformed?

  1. dpb27 says:

    Allie,
    So sorry to hear of your struggles with your hand. One thing I am learning is not to worry about what is going to happen because it hasn’t happened yet and it might not ever happen. Just take one day at time and remember God is with you. Praying for you!

    “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

    -Danya
    igotmad.wordpress.com

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